I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
