a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
