I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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