Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
