This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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