why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
