i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
third nipple confirmed
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
