he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
