My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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