Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
