We named our party play list daddy issues
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize