I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
