Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
