Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Are we still banned from the library?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
