He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
