Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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