I can text with my tongue
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
