No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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