WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
