On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
