Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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