you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
