You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
