I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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