Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
