Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My liver just had a heart attack.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize