She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
