The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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