i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
