its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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