Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
