You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
His hands were made for my vagina.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
