Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize