Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
