i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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