Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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