google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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