nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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