i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
