Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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