it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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