I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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