i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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