your room smells of hookers.
And success
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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