she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
