Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize