I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He shit in the fireplace
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
