apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize