A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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