I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize