Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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