No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
