my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
