Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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