When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
