these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
