who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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