we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
