yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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