Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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