I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Randomize
