I'm really into asian looking animals
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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