Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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