I'm going to jail i love you
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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