Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
