I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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