I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
