Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
