Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
