I showed him my bush... on skype.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have post one night stand depression
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
