my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
