So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
