I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
