a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
