Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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