Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
