found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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