You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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