I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
