Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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