I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
