my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
